In order for anyone to be saved there must be a suffering then a death. It’s written all through scripture. I remember during this ordeal describing to someone the depth of pain that I felt and my exact words “my bones hurt”. The pain that I went through was so deep and foreign those were the only words I had to associate with it. Over and over I tried to describe it to people but I felt my words jumbled each time. It was at a point where each time I closed my eyes to pray I could see fire. I could hear the crackle and smell the heat. In retrospect it was quite remarkable but no so much at the time. I understand that not everyone has gone through the exact thing that I have but I have heard enough stories in the past months to confirm something that a lot are feeling some depth of pain but not sure how to voice. It’s this feeling deep in your gut that has simply come out of nowhere. It’s a feeling of utter desperation. A desire that may seem misplaced but it is divinely timed and you’ve been preparing for this for longer than you think. I was in a prior season of praying for the Baptism of the Fire. Hindsight is 20/20 right? One of my least favorite phrases but how pertinent to where I was. God will grant us the desires of our heart but there has been so much theology and interpretation based around that scripture that I will not even offer another. My response to my question of why I went through that was simply “God will grant us the desires of our heart”. See, we go through water baptism and initially for most new Christians don’t realize that it is simply a step. It is an outward showing of an inward change according to 1 Peter 3:20-22 – which says – 20 to those who were disobedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, 21 and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 22 who has gone into heaven and is at God’s right hand—with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him. Another verse that stands out about this is. Matthew 3: 11 “I baptize you withwater for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you withthe Holy Spirit and fire.
For a few months prior to this I’ve been going through a study that has been opening my eyes quite a bit to my own gifting and seems to resonate so deeply that it felt like this book was written just for me. I’m sure we’ve all had that encounter with a piece of literature at some point in our lives. For me, this was mine. The few overwhelming phrases that stood out though were “utter humiliation” as well “utter reliance”. By definition the word utter means complete and absolute. Well John 15:1-4 is an incredible example of an utter that has seemed to take hold in my life even when I don’t stay connected. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. What I mean by when I don’t stay connected is it takes a daily effort to do this. It is a daily cross bearing to stay on this path but how amazing it is when you do. Anyone who has gardened knows the feeling of watching your plants blossom or your vegetables become edible or a host of other analogies. It makes it so much easier to endure the winter knowing what great fruit is produced in the spring. Imagine how God beams each time we produce that fruit. For a lot of us we think “how much we beam, and how much easier it is for us” to endure the winter thinking of the spring. How often do we stop to consider how God pains during that winter? How heartbreaking it must be for Him to watch us endure (so often by choice) the wrath of those bad decisions we make in our own lives. There’s a song that plays over and over in my head by Walter Hawkins called “Be Grateful”. It starts out with:
God has not promised me sunshine,
that’s just not the way it’s going to be.
But a little rain mixed with Gods sunshine
A little pain makes me appreciate the good times.
It goes on to talk about how God desires to feel our longing and our pain. That’s when it occurred to me that if I am going through the amount of pain that I am going through it must be for a reason. It has to be for a reason which unfortunately launched me into a new season of trying to figure it out. Turns out that that was just about as unproductive as lying around broken and sad and so inward focused. At a point I began to simply sit back and watch and wait. Pray and wait. It’s a lonely season. I will not profess that everything is great. But that’s been my posture since and while it’s not the most “productive” it has been the most peaceful thus far. Understanding that there are so many things I want to set out and accomplish right now and so many people I want to reach out to but for now I need to stay still until God is ready to move. I’ve built so many foundations without Him and every single one has crumbled. Of course when I ran across 1 Corinthians 3:11-13 it says 11 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13 their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. My entire life had been built on a foundation that was not done with the ultimate co-laborer. It was not the easiest to digest. Realizing that I had done this in my own life based upon my pride, selfish wants and ways, and did most of it for the show. The fire will test us. You will come through this. Unburned and unchained and ready or the next steps.
1 Peter 4: 12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
1 Peter 1:6-8
6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,
Isaiah 48:9-11
9 For my own name’s sake I delay my wrath;
for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you,
so as not to destroy you completely.
10 See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
11 For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.
How can I let myself be defamed?
I will not yield my glory to another.
So I want to shift the focus now to the 3 preceding verses. They speak of His coming glory. Isaiah 48 really did a number on me as we think about the number of people who are out pushing the Word of God with such ill intent. We are in a different day and a lot of us are feeling it. We are in a day of reformation and revival. I am blessed to live in the fastest growing city in the country right now. A city where the population is 2/3 “lost”. That’s such an unfair word but for time sake I will use it. Living in a time where some are already seeing His glory revealed daily and for some, they have been blessed with the job of bringing others into a place of revelation. I see it as the more lost the more are found so this yields us here a great opportunity to get out and reach the people. We are not called to be transformed then go sit in the pews, seats, rocks, whatever your church has, until the coming of the Lord. When Jesus came back and walked the earth after His resurrection He found His disciples had gone back to their daily jobs. He approached and said “what are you doing?!?!?” I imagine the exasperated look He must’ve had. He simply told them to “go care for my sheep.” There’s much more context to it than that but that’s the underlying message. I feel that we all are called to do that. We are all called to continue the awakening that we’ve gone through. Peter spoke about not being surprised at this fiery ideal as it’s only a test. He continues with how he knows it feels like something strange is happening to you but rejoice rejoice rejoice at this suffering so that you can be overjoyed in the revelation of His glory. AMEN!! Peter goes on to say that part of the reason you are suffering so greatly is to test your faith. Most of the verses regarding fire also include the word test so I want to encourage you to get out of bed even if you have to roll out. When left with no strength to stand and no will to move. If you make the first move and attempt to stand and ask Him for help, it will not go unanswered. Be honest and pour out your heart as He already knows what’s in it. Express your fears and then rejoice and turn them over. Rejoice and rejoice some more. If God is refining you it is for a purpose. Whether we know it or not we are in this season. He asks in Isaiah “How can I let myself be defamed. I will not yield my glory to another.” This is in direct correlation to “There will be no Gods before me.” There are a lot of things we place before God as idols and we don’t realize them. More often than not they have to do with self. My purpose here is that you hear encouragement. Motivation to keep moving though the darkness you are in right now. Cry, yell, scream and kick if you must, but be sure that at the end you give God the glory from protecting you from the darkness being so much worse than it is right now.
Lord,
We thank you so much for protecting us from the unseen dangers that lurk. We acknowledge that although it is bad it could always be much worse. Give us clarity for our path in where we are God and continue to reveal your glory throughout the suffering. It is a daily cross bearing that you have well equipped us to endure. Remind us of that each day in the glimpses of light you give. You’re doing an incredible work in our lives and the refining process is such a beautiful season of learning and growing closer to You so we ask that you do not let us forget that. I know so many of us are afraid of the unknown as it seems like we have woken up to a world of chaos that is so unfamiliar to us that we do not recognize our surrounds and it’s painful. We know that You are here with us as You’ve promised to never leave or forsake us. We hold true to that. We hold true to you. How thankful we are to be alive during such a perilous time of reformation and revival. Give us eyes to see those who you would like us to touch today. Lead our path in their direction and theirs to ours.
THANK YOU JESUS!!
AMEN
