Civil War

According to my ego
as long as my aesthetics are performing like acrobatics
I’m on the right track
In accordance with my ego
my mathematics is majoring in addition
Then I have no addictions
So there’s no need for subtraction
My ego says I’m in control
While inadvertently the things and people I try to control overtly begin to take hold
Although these things can no longer be managed and my psyche cannot ignore the damage
My ego says that I have it and these uncontrollably abstract variables are invariably handled
My ego and my soul are not on one accord
My ego thinks our funds are unlimited
While my soul pleads that another loss we can’t afford
My ego would rather sink in this misery whilst my soul withholds but burns beneath the surface lividly
The imagery has taken over the silence
my soul wars with the residual visual violence
My soul wants to unlearn and yearns to forgive and rebuild every bridge that’s been burned
My ego wants to control and never forget that we have been beaten and bruised
My soul is well aware of the abuse and has the ability to choose how to use this pain that we carry
My ego wants to make them pay by being better than them at the game that they play
My soul says let it go but my ego says keep it hidden
It says to use the pain
Remember James, how they hurt you and jerked the love out of your sane
According to my ego right now i need no help
Yet my soul feels withered
Curled up in a ball
Completely subdued to an ego who wants to control it all.
My ego has become a shadow master avoiding the sun to disappear from the shadows faster
My ego says let’s just fall in line and do the right thing
No one will question the foundation when your well manicured garden attracts the beautiful birds that sing
My soul screams for water because the roots are dried and cracked
My ego says let’s pretend and show everyone there’s nothing we lack
My soul has grown cold in the darkness
While my ego shows off it’s tan
My ego has learned to mimic my soul
My soul has learned to mimic a healed man
My ego no longer knows who it is
It’s become so good at disguising that it surmises each as a part of its plan
This war rages on
The harmony feels gone
My ego does not want to submit
Even in it’s atrophied stance
It fights on
My ego says we have unlimited power
While my soul waves it’s white flag in an admittance of powerlessness

2 thoughts on “Civil War

  1. I strongly relate
    and my breath leaves me
    after hearing this
    and letting it sink in.
    perhaps different circumstances
    same struggle!

    Thanks for helping me think straight.

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