I can still remember the days when I reveled in isolation
When my introverted demeanor caused me to sub exist below humanity with a self-manufactured sanity

I only felt safe when I was alone

Come and gone are the days when I locked myself into a self-sufficient, independent reliance
Solitaire was much more than just a game
It was how I fashioned my life to fraction the light that could gain access into any faction of James

In retrospect, it was so insane

I used to think it was on me to repair the despair I carried from the carriage of a broken home
As an artist, my imagination creates beautiful valleys from withering flowers
That I couldn’t afford to have trampled and have dismantled the borders in which I created my safety zone
I wasn’t raised in the church so when it came to talk of groups
I would slowly recede into a background within myself that was pain and sound proof
The only reverence I paid came in the visual lyrical portraits that I made
So even when I found community I first sat back and watched
Silently judging from this seat and not budging
These people had attributes that would dispute the foundation of my grudges
I couldn’t understand why everyone seemed so happy
They ate and they hugged and just kept laughing
They talked about their lives in the past tense as if something happened
Where they’d been released and freed and I felt like the least of these
As I was still firmly rooted in my entrapments

When God created Adam, he was alone and for some reason God said that that wasn’t good
So God gave him a woman to be with him and it’s the first picture of community given
So they talked about opening up to unity and I figured I should
He specifically designed us to crave and thrive in relationship with others
But first I would test the waters by bringing forth all the bad and withholding any sense of good
They kept saying we’re our best selves when we’re experiencing life’s highs and lows with people and not watching from the shelf

So terrified I gave it a try and in retrospect it’s forever changed my life

Community is not perfect by a long shot but there’s incredible highs and lows
There’s love, patience and peace, disappointment, fighting and grief and it seems like they can’t coexist so people take sides and choose which way to go
Community is where I learned the fullness of who I am
It’s where I acted out and broke hearts that to this day I pray will find peace
Community is where I learned there is brilliance in our differences and they were an addition to my existence
It’s where an invisible God began to take His formative place in my life and where I learned the fullness of who I am and am not
It mapped out my design and to a palpable purposed I became aligned
The first time I felt The Holy Spirit move through me was on the couch amongst my friends
Who by then had shown that they were out for my good no matter how things went

Then learning that This Spirit was present whenever believers were gathered
Caused me to look forward to those nights and even when it was bad and we had a fight
I was still grateful that I was able to be a part of their group
A part of their life
When I was low they spurred me on toward love and good deeds
They taught me that God gets the credit and that we are blessed to be able to till and drop seeds as we go
They encouraged the discouraged parts of my soul and got me to Jesus when I was too lame to move for no other reason than they believed I could go
Had it not for their belief in me I don’t know where I’d be today

In community, I healed from my wounds and found a group that became my family
There I found faith and hope to step into the fullness of how I was created
There I found that there is a bind created from love that is not easily broken
So while I’m still a heavy introvert I’ve learned how to seek God in my isolation
Community brought the restoration of my ability in hoping
I thank God for every person who has come into my life whether gone or still here
It is because of them that to the notion of togetherness I’m even open

That I can allow in love and others w/o fear
It was through The Blood and the power of every one of their stories
That added to my history and the fear of the mystery of community has been broken